my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.