bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups