I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16