***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.