I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
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I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.