she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize