Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
