i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
