dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
