I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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