you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My penis needs a shock collar
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
