i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
