I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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