you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
