yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
