Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
