Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
