No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
