READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
