I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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