i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
FUCK WHALES
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
