Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
