dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
