I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
