I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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