Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
time to smoke my breakfast
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize