DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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