Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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