woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
