A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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