the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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