dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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