I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
