I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
