2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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