why didn't you poke me back
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize