"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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