The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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