if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
