Your face is a jimmy john
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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