Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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