I cannot find my penis.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
