just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
