the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
