maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
