Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
