unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
