I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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