I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
