I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
