Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
