Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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