i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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