We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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