you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
