He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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