When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
