I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
