In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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