I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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