gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
