you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
