I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
