Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize