and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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