Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
