she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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