census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
