Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
