you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
