Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
