If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
