does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
