And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
