Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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