I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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