If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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