my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
