I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
