you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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