We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
