is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
