Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
