Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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